xenoflare

Contemplation as an internal process is an action. But it is not an action that is manifest in the world we share with others. How do I manifest my love for others and this world? While empathy is a good start, what is the next step, what is the next step needed to change our shared external world, to make things better for all of us?

Hmmm. Direct action in both the realms of flesh and spirit. My path has been to distill, test, forge within, as well as to share, give, receive without. To me, magic now seems simply to be the skillful and meaningful synchronization and calibration of both these internal and external realities.

Pride in one’s self, which springs from self-confidence and self-knowledge, is my path by which my will actualizes these changes. It grants me the exuberance and inner strength to transcend overwhelming odds, and bring hope.

Yet, at the same time, when hubris strikes, and delusion conquers me, corruption and stagnation will swirl from the murky depths of that poisoned well of arrogance.

Then meanwhile, the mystic experience that comes when the underlying essence of all things is revealed, when the weariness of the soul fades for a moment, and the eyes of my feet kiss this sacred earth. Hmmm. The ecstatic thrill of intrinsic connection with the cosmos, that everything is all right somehow, no matter how screwy things may seem. There’s a sort of deep, deep, faith – that this all means something, all makes sense.

And that lends me a surety of purpose that bursts forth from an overwhelming sense of energy around, inside me. There’s this engine that buzzes, a furious ticking, loping, growling thing bleeding chaos and potentiality. Time slows down. Reality becomes fluid for a moment, and I sense connections of bitterness and honey, of where my fangs and fists can change the world. No matter how bad everything is – it will be all right.

Not just cos of the self-belief; that’ll be vainglory.
Not just cos of the faith; that’ll be delusion.
Not just cos of the energy; that’ll be ego again – application of energy and effort does not always equate to an effective outcome. Reality is not a static, replicable thing.
Not just cos of the mental preparations and planning; again, too much pride in wisdom can lead to hubris in action.

So what is it? How do I express it?

Is it something that comes together from the whole of the parts? Or is it yet another thing entirely, ineffable? Am I trying to explain and deconstruct that sexual rush of mysticism?

Oh yea la. It's magic.

Then I return to earth, and my eyes are tired from the dust of both the stars and the streets. Then my blood is a hungry thing, that cries for the milk of the ocean to feed its lust for meaning… And I close myself off and force myself to earth and ground myself.

And so… I must not lose my nature, even as my mind roars and flares.